Soul Wound Vision

How a Meditation Inspired Me to Write a Memoir of this Life and the Elusive Life Beyond

Recovering from the surgical procedure to remove my rare esophageal cancer was the most traumatic, grueling experience of my life thus far.

In my stillness, I started to ruminate.

‘Why me?”

Post traumatic clarity morphed into resentment and anger at God.

I used the time off recovering to delve further into the realm of metaphysical studies. I knew my understanding of God was expanding. However, my thoughts were still bitter. Coming from a life of poverty, bullying for my neurodivergence, and losing both my parents to cancer, I found this to be the final straw with God.

I knew not exactly what God was or wasn’t anymore.

Despite my pain, hiccups, and resentments, I had a remarkable recovery from the surgery. So good, that one looking at me now would never know from the surface that I endured such an ordeal. They didn’t see the months of tube feeding and the months of learning how to eat after my stomach and esophagus were sewn back together.

I knew there were others that had endured worse ordeals and were in worse shape than myself. I looked to those stories. If they had found courage and meaning in even greater challenges, then I could surely do the same.

It brought me to find the memoir written by Christopher Reeve, Still Me. I read it and was astounded to how such a man found continued meaning and purpose in his life after such an awful man. If you do not know whom I’m referring to, this is a man who literally portrayed superman in a movie. He had a horse riding accident causing him permanent cervical nerve damage. This made him wheelchair bound and ventilator dependent for the rest of life.

I read his memoir and was astounded. He demonstrated the power of psyche and perspective. He grieved the life he lost and still made a life ahead. Surely if he could do that, I could forge ahead with my successful recovery.

Then, one night, I went into my quiet place of stillness at home. I put on a soul retrieval meditation from Insight Timer.

In my meditations I would travel to many places. Worlds beyond in this universe, perhaps life in parallel universes or realities. Perhaps it was just the imagination of my psyche. What truly mattered is that I felt a unison of stillness with my spiritual essence.

I had a similar journey through time and cosmos, getting beautiful imagery of purple illuminated night skies, enchanted forests, and lands of starlit skies and waterfalls. I did the same with the meditation.

The guided meditation was coming to a close. Then, right toward the end, I had a stark vision.

I found myself staring myself from a time in the past. From the background, a sword struck me through my right flank. It fully struck through my torso, causing me to bleed out.

I then had the feeling of choking on my own blood. It brought a PTSD flashback to my surgery.

I opened my eyes, astounded. Still breathless with my heart pounding. What had I just seen?

I knew the vision to be of great significance, but I could not figure out why. I began to journal to reflect on the meditation, and then the meaning struck me like a shooting star blazing across the night sky.

I found meaning in my cancer by surmising it to be a soul wound from another life time.

My esophageal cancer was not one of the typical cancers. My cancer is called a Gastrointestinal Stromal Tumor, a cancer that forms in the inner muscle wall by mutations in the cells that promote gut motility. Gastrointestinal Stromal Tumors were rare unto themselves, occurring only in one in one hundred thousand people. in the esophagus, they were even rarer. Less than five percent of these tumors arise in the esophagus.

That put me in a statistic of atleast one in two million. This cancer has no known causes or risk factors. It is just “random” according to medical science.

Could this cancer have been a soul wound from another lifetime?

The sword in my vision struck me precisely in the anatomical locations for my surgery. In order to reach the tumor, a surgeon had to cut through both my right lung and my mid-abdomen. Nothing else made sense.

So I formed meaning.

Whether this actually happened in a past life, or it was simply a fabrication of my subconscious to form meaning around the trauma I endured is not an argument I am trying to prove. All I know that it was the initiation of an intensively retrospective journey into my psyche.

This is how Blades of Resurrection was born

I can’t begin to express my gratitude for the successful recovery I had. However, getting this rare cancer after losing both my parents at to cancer at such a young age, I was determined to let the world know my story.

All of my story, all of me.

I flirted with the idea of writing a memoir. I continued forging ahead in my life. My marriage began with my guts being sliced open. I recovered from those wounds, and my life and marriage flourished . It flourished so much, that many of those who gave me pity quietly became resentful.

I was more financially successful and further in my career and had just recovered from a grueling cancer. Cancer should have been the final nail in my coffin.

Instead, I kicked the casket open

I was in a job with those who made me feel resentful. I transferred out of that job to a less demanding role with equivocal pay. That was an immense form of self respect that I was rewarded richly for.

It gave me the psychic energy needed to start this Substack, start my writing for you all, and my business and LLC Lightning Shadow Crossroads.

My biggest project became Blades of Resurrection

Surely I was no one special. I was just an indie author with a sob story. A vision and no execution. my neurodivergence granted me the ability to strategize and find patterns would miss. I didn’t type out my words and hope for the best.

I hand wrote them

There’s something about hand writing that reflects the true essence of our souls. Mine is really messy, good luck trying to discern it. However, thats exactly what handwriting granted me. Discernment.

I felt so proud writing 13 chapters. I knew though for this to really breathe life, a rough typed draft would come next.

That typed draft became an 18 chapter spine and four acts.

60,617 words, 18 Chapters, Four Acts, Two Blades, One Life Per Blade

I know I still have a long way to go. However, I am not doing a simple self revision and hoping for the best. Blades of Resurrection is too important to me for a publisher to determine it’s fate. It’s my my life, and my inner sovereignty, and the world will see it.

I will be spending March doing self revisions. After that, will be beta reading in April.

You can become a part of that and let your voice have an impact on mine.

Thought this rough draft is messy and wrought with misspellings, grammar and punctuation mistakes, it’s beautiful to me. So I sent it to Fed Ex office for a printing. Raw, unrefined, yet beautiful. It is for my eyes only and no one else.

I am refining this manuscript like gold. After my beta reader feed back, I will do one more self revision before submission for professional editing and publishing. Embedded in this process I have invested in some of the worlds top-tier editors. In addition, I will have a media law review the manuscript. I have gone to extensive lengths not to reveal names of people, employers, places, etc. However, some individuals with an axe to grind could cause chaos for my career.

I anticipate publication in the fall. However, if you are so motivated, you can see my script much sooner.

With this I make my BIG ANNOUNCEMENT. I am enabling paid Substack subscriptions!

Anyone who pays to subscribe to me will get a free electronic copy of Blades of Resurrection. In addition, to the free electronic copy, I will offer to review and write a promotional article of any work of yours once a month.

My first ten paid subscribers will have the opportunity to get the beta read version.

If you read the draft in it’s entirety and fill out beta feedback, I will compensate you.

Yes you read that correct. If you pay me you have the chance for me to pay you.

Once I get 10 paid subscribers, others will have to wait until the fall release.

Also, if you are not in a position to pay subscribe I completely understand. If you have read this far and are passionate about becoming a beta reader, please DM me. We can work out a plan where you promise to promote Blades of Resurrection on your pages.

Now I will continue with further articles, more of my creative works, including the Tale of the Elucidated Prostitute, and further projects during the editing process.

It has been an honor to have you all encourage me on this process. The process has just begun, but Blades of Resurrection is ALIVE.